11.15.2008

Par-Tay! Ya Feelin’ Me?

All right all you Hip Hop Republicans.....Hey all you Black GOP members....Yo, to all you minority folks who don’t like our new president...Now is the time for you to step up into the breach!

The Republican party is in danger of extinction. It’s paler members have broken out the AK-47's and are currently involved in a circular firing squad. They’re cannibalizing their savior, Sarah Palin. They really, really don’t like her. Or maybe they’re just jealous about all the attention she is getting. Anyway, now is the time. This is your hour. Go ahead, jump in, take over. America has voted. We like our politics dipped in chocolate. And the GOP does need some spice in the soup its trying to serve to the public.

The real republicans have jumped ship. They support Obama, or at least are willing to support him for awhile. True non bigoted conservatives are also bolting. A bipartisan government is the utopia we have all been waiting for. But that leaves the party to the delusional right wing fringe who want to continue the marriage of church and state, creating a new talibanic regime on the most western of western soils. These people think they lost the election because their ticket didn’t push their so called moral agenda strong enough. In their collective mind, all the GOP has to do is to get more rigid in its views...fight the culture wars like they did back in the 90's when the moral majority was in its hey day. They want Saint Sarah to be their patron saint, their Joan of Arc, to lead them back to the white house and control.

I have a suggestion for you. Maybe while these folks are home cleaning their guns, depressed and sulking about current events, now is the time for all you young hip hop repubs to take over. Join the party. Stir yourself into that vanilla milkshake. Make it more flavorful and appealing to real America. Let's get rid of the virtual, Beaver Cleaver reality that many republicans can’t seem to delete from their minds.

The Republican party has to survive. America is no good if there is just one party. Americans are addicted to good cop-bad cop. The parties need to bounce off each other, rub against each other like a good bonfire. Oh sure there are lesser parties, like the green party, the communist party, the socialist party, the libertarians. We do have all kinds of political parties in America. We just don’t take them seriously unless there is a big “D” or “R” in front of them. “Ism parties” scare us to death and the only places that Americans like to see the color green is on frogs, in beer on St Patrick’s day and on our money, which is currently looking like more of a rainbow these days.

Someone has got to save the GOP. We can’t let it pass the way of the Whigs, can we? I will be honest, I can’t lead this revolution because I can’t stomach myself being a republican. I’ll admit that I have some conservative tendencies as some of my readers like to point out. And I’m a lesbian, too, so I can fit into the gay ole party. But I think the GOP needs some new minority blood. It needs some brown immigrant blood. It needs a shot of sangria, sweet, marvelous sangria.

So how about it, all you Q-dogs..Ya’ll like a good party. Some of you are even upstanding citizens. You know you know how to make money. Spend it too. Take on this new project. Rebuild the Republican party. I’m sure the Alphas and Kappas would be willing to help out. C’mon, make it more like America. Make America more Barackish. I like vanilla, but it’s the 21st century, time for another flavor. Time for some rap with the Ravel. Let’s chase that glenfiddich with a 40. How about some Miles with that Lawrence Welk.

Now is the time to stir this new chili. Variety is the spice of life, isn’t it?
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