3.29.2011

Forget the Nuke Meltdowns. Jesus is Coming on the 21st


The end of the world is less than two months away, give or take a few days, according to some preacher out in California. He's told his followers and everyone else who'll listen that the Son of God will once again walk the earth starting May 21, 2011. Shortly after that, he says, the fire and brimstone will fall from the sky.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

No need to prepare for the ending as predicted by the Mayan Calendar, which says the world will end on December 21, 2012. Now in full disclosure, the Calendar doesn't predict the end of the world. It just ends, period. Doesn't necessarily mean the world may end. Nobody knows for sure why the calendar stops at December 21, 2012. It just does and since there aren't any Mayans around, any explanations about the abrupt ending are coming from scientists, sky watchers, and the superstitiously deranged who keep track of this kind of stuff.

The guy out in California, meanwhile, is so sure of his prediction that he's put up billboards so that even the non believers will know the day of reckoning and be ready.

Of course, he's done this before. He's prepared at least four other times for Jesus' return. But I guess somebody forgot to tell Jesus. Or maybe JC just wasn't ready. Or maybe JC is a diva who loves keeping folks waiting breathlessly for his big entrance.

Don't know. But preach says JC is really, really coming this time. Really.

End days predictions have become a cottage industry since Barack Obama was elected president. The first Black man to occupy the White House has prompted comparisons to the anti christ and as a first sign that the end as talked about in Revelation is nigh. Some churches have seen their ranks swell as sometime Christians start planning for their future in heaven, like they're part of the chosen few who will actually be raptured and  see heaven.

Rapture occurs when the chosen few are snatched away into the afterlife, while the rest of the uncivilized fall into chaos and ruin down here on earth. Rapture people point to all the natural disasters and wars currently plaguing earth as a sign that end days are upon us.

Maybe it's time to grow dreads so JC can get a good hold, the better to snatch folks up to heaven.

Honestly, I can't wrap my head around the world ending suddenly...just like I can't imagine committing suicide, simply because there is no reason that I would deprive this world of me... Ya'll don't deserve that.

I can' t really conceive that one morning I'm gonna wake up and by noon the earth is going to be torn apart, taking all of humanity with it.

Until I'm dodging asteroids, earthquakes, radiation from a Japanese nuke meltdown,  or looking out my window and see  Jesus walking down Victory Parkway, I'm not going to believe it.

It's one of those things that will happen, when it happens...but not yet...I don't plan on worrying about it until it happens.

Besides, Christians have been predicting the end of the world since they became Christian. There are so many end of times signs and predictions, including one involving the current Pope Benedict. Ya'll better hope the Pope lives an extra long time and he's already really old, now.

What? You say...

St. Malachy, an Irish priest made some end of world predictions back in his day circa 1590. These prophecies are sometimes attributed to Nostradamous, and that Malachy was simply an alter ego of the great prognosticator. Gossips back in the day claimed "NO" passed this one off on Malachy because he didn't want to be blamed for bringing down the Catholic Church.

Whatever...

According to Malachy/NO...This one says there will be 112 Popes and then The Holy See (Catholic Church) will end. It reads like it's talking about Rome and the Catholic Church and not the rest of us, primarily because the rest of us didn't exist. In 1590 there wasn't much to the world at that time.

In fact, the world  was flat according to most...is still flat according to Sherri Shepard, despite the wayward Chris Columbus and the other ancient explorers.

My point is that according to St Malachy, the world is presently seeing it's 111th Pope, Benedict who will reign through the ultimate persecution of the Holy Church.

Benedict will then be followed by the last Pope, referred to as Peter the Roman, who will nourish the sheep through many tribulations, and when he's done, the City of Seven Hills will be destroyed and the fearsome Judge will Judge his people. The End.

Hmmmm....Cincinnati is built on seven hills, just like Rome...Maybe I should just leave Ohio.

Maybe JC is coming back to earth to be Oprah's last interview. She's set her last show date as May 25th. Maybe that's what California preach is reading in the signs.... not the end of the world.

Maybe it's the end of  the Oprah show as we know it....Don't know.

So, who are you going to believe....The California billboard preacher or St Malachy/Nostradamous?

Me, I'm going to do what I always do on a Sunday, which is what the day after May 21st is...I'm going to watch CBS This Morning with Charles Osgood...do some exercise...some meditation....walk my dogs and maybe pick up a hoe to work my garden.








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