Forget the Mayan Calendar-The World Ends This Year

Okay, the picture is becoming clearer. The end of the world is not gonna happen on May 21st. It's gonna happen on October 21, 2011, later this year. So that gives you five more months to get yourself ready.

What is gonna happen on May 21st is The Rapture according to those in the know. The Rapture aka Judgment Day is when god reaches down and snatches the chosen folk up by their hair and takes them into heaven or into the clouds and out of harm's way in order to keep them from getting swallowed up when the world ends. Based on current hair trends, I would say Rastfarians have the edge, here.

So, if you think you're one of the chosen ones, then you might want to consider forgoing that Christian-Mormon-evangelical buzz cut and grow dreds, so god can get a good grip on your head when he starts snatching folks up to heaven.

It is also safe to say that if you don't get snatched up on May 21st, then you're not one of the chosen ones and are probably going to hell with the rest of us.

These dates have been carved in stone by one Harold Camping, an evangelical radio broadcaster, who claims he has figured out the celestial biblical calendar that governs all our lives and is spelled out in the Book of Genesis in the bible. Back in 1994 Camping said Jesus would come back and the rapture would happen, and the world would end, but he didn't and it didn't. Camping said at the time, on May 22nd, I would guess, that he made a mistake in his mathematical end of the world calculations.

He remains undeterred in his predictions, however. This time around he's put up billboards and has many of his followers driving RV's around the country proclaiming coming events.

What makes Camping think that judgment day is upon us this time around? Well, according to his biblical math, the year 2011 is exactly 7000 years after god flooded the world saving only Noah, his wife and three sons and their families as well as two animals from every species on earth. 2011 marks the end of the time that god has apparently given to man to get himself right with the lord, so to speak.

May 21st also corresponds, according to Camping to the day that god shut the door on Noah's ark, forcing everybody on the outside of the big boat to swim or tread water for 40 days and 40 nights. What is taking place on May 21st is a  symbolical door shutting on those who have not been chosen to ascend during The Rapture.

So, what's gonna happen between May 22nd and October 21st for those of us not chosen? Well, it ain't gonna be pretty. Those five months are going to be pure hell, so to speak. You can read about it in Revelation in more detail. But expect locusts with the power of scorpions to hunt down and kill the billions of people without god's seal of approval on their heads, which is everybody left over following The Rapture, according to Camping.

The dead are going to rise up (think Sean of the Dead), earthquakes will happen all over the world (think Japan), and those who died before May 21st and were saved will be resurrected and taken up with the raptured ones (think Easter Sunday). Those who died without being saved will stay dead and scattered all over.

Then, according to Camping's reading of the biblical calendar the final act on earth will be the great feast (Tabernacles) and when the feast is over, there will be a great fire that consumes the earth. The end.

Camping says our collective goose is cooked unless we get right in the next couple of weeks. However there is a slim possibility that you can save yourself like the good people of Nineveh saved by Jonah. God told the city he was going to destroy it, so the king and all his people shucked off their good clothes and started dressing in sack cloth and poured ashes on the floor from their fires and sat on the ashes and fasted and god had a change of heart and didn't destroy the city, that time.

Camping also says god never destroys the world until after he warns the people, so consider yourself warned.
Judgment Day is May 21, 2011

The world ends on October 21, 2011

Forget the Mayan Calendar...the world will be gone by the time the Mayan Calendar ends on December 21, 2012.


  

Forget the Nuke Meltdowns. Jesus is Coming on the 21st

The end of the world is less than two months away, give or take a few days, according to some preacher out in California. He's told his followers and everyone else who'll listen that the Son of God will once again walk the earth starting May 21, 2011. Shortly after that, he says, the fire and brimstone will fall from the sky.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

No need to prepare for the ending as predicted by the Mayan Calendar, which says the world will end on December 21, 2012. Now in full disclosure, the Calendar doesn't predict the end of the world. It just ends, period. Doesn't necessarily mean the world may end. Nobody knows for sure why the calendar stops at December 21, 2012. It just does and since there aren't any Mayans around, any explanations about the abrupt ending are coming from scientists, sky watchers, and the superstitiously deranged who keep track of this kind of stuff.

The guy out in California, meanwhile, is so sure of his prediction that he's put up billboards so that even the non believers will know the day of reckoning and be ready.

Of course, he's done this before. He's prepared at least four other times for Jesus' return. But I guess somebody forgot to tell Jesus. Or maybe JC just wasn't ready. Or maybe JC is a diva who loves keeping folks waiting breathlessly for his big entrance.

Don't know. But preach says JC is really, really coming this time. Really.

End days predictions have become a cottage industry since Barack Obama was elected president. The first Black man to occupy the White House has prompted comparisons to the anti christ and as a first sign that the end as talked about in Revelation is nigh. Some churches have seen their ranks swell as sometime Christians start planning for their future in heaven, like they're part of the chosen few who will actually be raptured and  see heaven.

Rapture occurs when the chosen few are snatched away into the afterlife, while the rest of the uncivilized fall into chaos and ruin down here on earth. Rapture people point to all the natural disasters and wars currently plaguing earth as a sign that end days are upon us.

Maybe it's time to grow dreads so JC can get a good hold, the better to snatch folks up to heaven.

Honestly, I can't wrap my head around the world ending suddenly...just like I can't imagine committing suicide, simply because there is no reason that I would deprive this world of me... Ya'll don't deserve that.

I can' t really conceive that one morning I'm gonna wake up and by noon the earth is going to be torn apart, taking all of humanity with it.

Until I'm dodging asteroids, earthquakes, radiation from a Japanese nuke meltdown,  or looking out my window and see  Jesus walking down Victory Parkway, I'm not going to believe it.

It's one of those things that will happen, when it happens...but not yet...I don't plan on worrying about it until it happens.

Besides, Christians have been predicting the end of the world since they became Christian. There are so many end of times signs and predictions, including one involving the current Pope Benedict. Ya'll better hope the Pope lives an extra long time and he's already really old, now.

What? You say...

St. Malachy, an Irish priest made some end of world predictions back in his day circa 1590. These prophecies are sometimes attributed to Nostradamous, and that Malachy was simply an alter ego of the great prognosticator. Gossips back in the day claimed "NO" passed this one off on Malachy because he didn't want to be blamed for bringing down the Catholic Church.

Whatever...

According to Malachy/NO...This one says there will be 112 Popes and then The Holy See (Catholic Church) will end. It reads like it's talking about Rome and the Catholic Church and not the rest of us, primarily because the rest of us didn't exist. In 1590 there wasn't much to the world at that time.

In fact, the world  was flat according to most...is still flat according to Sherri Shepard, despite the wayward Chris Columbus and the other ancient explorers.

My point is that according to St Malachy, the world is presently seeing it's 111th Pope, Benedict who will reign through the ultimate persecution of the Holy Church.

Benedict will then be followed by the last Pope, referred to as Peter the Roman, who will nourish the sheep through many tribulations, and when he's done, the City of Seven Hills will be destroyed and the fearsome Judge will Judge his people. The End.

Hmmmm....Cincinnati is built on seven hills, just like Rome...Maybe I should just leave Ohio.

Maybe JC is coming back to earth to be Oprah's last interview. She's set her last show date as May 25th. Maybe that's what California preach is reading in the signs.... not the end of the world.

Maybe it's the end of  the Oprah show as we know it....Don't know.

So, who are you going to believe....The California billboard preacher or St Malachy/Nostradamous?

Me, I'm going to do what I always do on a Sunday, which is what the day after May 21st is...I'm going to watch CBS This Morning with Charles Osgood...do some exercise...some meditation....walk my dogs and maybe pick up a hoe to work my garden.

They Done Lost They Minds

(originally posted 7/11/06)

This is a reminder that crazy shit's been going on forever...It didn't begin when Obama decided to seek the presidency...The Orly Taitz of the world hide among us waiting to be triggered into nutty activity designed to draw attention to their perverted self centeredness....Nutbags probably were hiding in the bushes of the Garden of Eden...and they will keep us happy company until the time when it does all end....

Has everyone on this planet gone crazy?

What was that in New York yesterday when the building blew up? Well, according to reports, the owner of the building, a doctor, locked in a bitter divorce dispute with his wife, blew the building up in an attempt to kill himself. WHAT?!

What was he doing, trying to shoot himself in the head with a bazooka rocket, missed and ended up torching the place?

The report goes on to state that Dr. Bartha was apparently despondent over the fact that a court had ruled his soon to be ex wife deserved half the building which was worth somewhere around 5-10 million dollars depending on who you're listening to.

He survived, by the way, and nobody else died either. Although I'm sure he scared the shit out of everybody on the upper eastside.

Okay, so he has to sell his building which he bought in 1993 or there abouts. He gives his wife, what, say 5-million dollars, she's gone from his life and he moves on, right? He's free to carouse with all those 20-something blondes, brunettes and redheads looking for a sugar daddy in the big apple.

What's the problem? Why go and disrupt the lives of so many people just to stick it to your wife one last time.

How egomaniacal is that?

The arrogance of this man just boggles my brain.

I mean, I would be happy to have 5-million on either end of that scenario and I would be willing to bet the Doctor is probably worth a lot more than that.

When Doc gets out of the hospital he needs to be locked up with that other fool from a couple of weeks ago who brutally killed his ex and then shot the Judge through a courthouse window.

They deserve to accompany each other straight into hell.

*****************

And less you think that egomania is confined to the East Coast, think again. Some mega church religious groups out west are actively trying to bring about Armageddon, according to the Los Angeles Times.

They apparently can't wait for Jesus to make up his own mind about when he is coming back. They want to help him by doing a lot of stuff to pave the way, since they feel we are at "End Times."

What are they doing, well, they're flying plane loads of missionaries to Israel in an attempt to convert all Jews to Christianity so they can find Christ and be saved. By doing this, they say, Jesus should be cleared for landing within the next two decades, give or take a few years.

Meantime...

Iran's latest crazy man is paving the way for the Mahdi to return and wipe out Christianity. The Mahdi is the last true prophet of Mohammed's true heirs, chosen by God to lead the faithful. The number of righteous descendants is 12, by the way. Iran's ruler thinks the Mahdi will come to Tehran in two years.

And....

Some Jews are attempting to rebuild the temple in Jerusalem, on a site that is currently holding one of Islam's holiest shrines. These Jews feel that if they can rebuild the Temple, Islam will be wiped off the face of the earth and God will be happy.

And then there is Clyde Lott of Mississippi, self styled preacher and cattle rancher.
He is attempting to breed a unique herd of heifers as required by an obscure passage in the Bible. Sacrifice of these special cows will hasten the return of the Messiah, he thinks.

He wants to raise them and ship them enmass to Israel for the Jews, but so far, they don't want em citing the dangers of mad cow disease. So Lott has shipped them off to Nebraska instead.

Why is all this happening?

Well, if you read Revelation it says:

"Jews return to Israel after 2000 years, the Holy Temple is rebuilt, billions of people perish during seven years of natural disasters and plagues, the antichrist arises and rules the world, the battle of Armageddon erupts in the vicinity of Israel. Jesus returns to defeat Satan's armies and preside over Judgement Day."

So basically all these folks are doing all this stuff in order to hasten the day when they can stand before Jesus and be judged.

Do they really think he is going to let them into heaven?