2.27.2013

The Palinator Pope


Well Pope Bennie has taken his last spin around St. Peters in the Pope mobile. His resignation is official at 8pm Thursday night, clearing the way for that one ring circus, the college of cardinals. The meeting, usually held after a pontiff dies, will take place for the first time with the big guy still alive for the first time in 600 years, tucked away inside a monastic retreat on Vatican grounds, some say to prevent prosecution for any one of a number of scandals rocking the papacy.

You can read his resignation announcement here.

Bennie will get to keep his pope name instead of revert back to Joseph, which is his real name, and he can still wear virgin white vestments. However he's gotta give up those sparkly red Prada loafers. (Wonder if he will sell them on Ebay and donate the money to feed the hungry...nah) Think he probably has to give back the pope ring, too.

And now that good old Ben has been tucked out of sight, the drama swept under the rug, temporarily at least, now comes time for the other men who favor dresses, big high hats and pretty shoes to take over the spotlight and select their new spiritual leader via the smoke, but no mirror method.

By the way, was Ru Paul invited to this shindig? Nevermind, I digress.

Word is that chocolate is the flavor of the month according to all the English bookies. Seems an African cardinal, Peter Terkson is one of the favorites. Cardinal Peter is one of the many religious leaders who has signed off on all the “kill the gays” legislation circulating on the Continent (ya'll do know Africa is a Continent-not a country, right?)

Cardinal Peter has gone so far as to say recently all the child abuse in the church...ALL of that scandal is the work of devious gays trying to take down the church.

And although the mainstream media keeps billing him as maybe the first black pope, history tells us there have been at least two others, which would make 3 total, if it happens. Just look what Barack has started. Next thing you know, they will be talking about the possibility of a female pope. But that can't happen until the Holy See starts “seeing” women as human beings worthy of the priesthood.

With Cardinal Peter of Africa and Cardinal Timmy of New York as the favorites who don't live in Italy, women as priests let alone as pope probable, ain't gonna happen anytime soon. At the rate Bennie was going before he pulled-a-palin, all the nuns in America were close to being kicked out of the church anyway for bucking his papal authority. That would make the church, the old boys club that they all want anyway. They can't even admit that Mary Magdalene might have been Jesus' friend and disciple rather than the local hooker with a heart of gold.

Oh well. Bennie changed the rules so the college of cardinals don't have to wait 15 days to elect a new leader, so let the games begin.

Going to pop some popcorn and kick back in front of the telly to wait for the white smoke (what? You didn't think the signal was going to be black, did you?), which will signal the selection of the Last Pope according to the prophecy of St. Malachi. Read here

I don't believe in the prophecy, unless he selects Peter as his pope name.

 If that happens, I'm going to start partying like it's 1999, because it really will be the end of the world and not as we know it.


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