3.06.2007

Designer Vaginas, The Search for the Perfect P****

I guess it was inevitable. Some rather enterprising Ob-Gyns, have opened up a new frontier in plastic surgery designed, I can only surmise, to separate stupid women and the men who love them, from more of their money. A report in today’s Washington Post likens the new procedures to dying one’s hair to cover encroaching grey.

Laser vaginal rejuvenation is what it’s called. What it purports to do is to rebuild the muscles of your “cat” to make it more enticing to your partner, that is if you can get him to look at it in the first place. It’s not a body part that we women can see or can stare at on a daily basis, and lesbians don’t have this problem, so it’s obviously a “man-thing,” made up by men, for men.

I didn’t know that the muscle walls were the site of sexual gratification. I thought that was the “G” spot” inside. That’s the reason why men have tools, so they can reach it, isn’t it?

Anyway, there is this board certified brother in DC who offers what he calls the “wonder woman makeover .” For about 15-grand he will tighten up the muscles in your vag-JJ, raise your breasts off your navel, make them bigger with implants, suck the fat out of your stomach to give you that nubile washboard look, and blow your butt up to look like J-Lo’s or any naturally endowed sister walking down the street.

If you really want to go all the way, then you can even have your hymen put back, so hubby or boyfriend can re-enact the taking of your cherry, like he thought he did way back when the two of you first had sex.

I’m sure he will probably do your lips, too. All of this is designed to make your man happy and want to continue screwing you instead of that 18 year old office assistant at work.

Revirginization, as the hymen procedure is called, is said to be the newest and latest gift for the man who has everything. One surgeon claiming to have performed 150 of these “gifts” says his clients are celebrating new relationships or second honeymoons.

The article is filled with happy face testimonials from clueless women who begged borrowed or stole the money in order to have the procedures done for their guys.

Gee whiz, and I’ve always thought that the brain was the best sex organ, guess I’m wrong. All these years, and I’ve been using the wrong head. Damn!
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