Baubles, Bangles and Designer Kids

I don’t have children, and that I don’t was both choice and luck. When I was experimenting with sex in my younger days, I was lucky enough not to have gotten pregnant. When I realized the ramifications of having children, I made the choice not to have them. Call me selfish, if you will. I wanted a career. I wanted to see the world, and being a black woman, I did not see how I could do that with a kid in tow, the way I wanted to do it. The same applies for marriage. I don’t believe in marriage, not for women, anyway. Besides, as I have said before in previous writings, that I am gay. I admitted that fact to myself and came to acceptance without having to deal with the consequences of children and marriage. My sexuality is not a choice. It simply is. Children and marriage are choices. Were I married and or pregnant or were raising children, I would still be a lesbian. It is my norm, just like being a woman, being black or being left handed.

I have never regretted that decision. I like kids, as long as I can send them home when I’m tired of them. The four years I spent living with my sister and her four children were the longest four years of my life. I love them all, but I was glad and relieved when they finally moved into a home of their own.

I have been watching with interest the story unfolding around the school teacher who forgot that her two year old was strapped in a car seat in her SUV as she drove to work on one of the hottest days of this year. The mother parked the car in the school parking lot, took doughnuts out of the trunk for a faculty meeting and left the baby in the car seat. She died after going unattended for 8 hours. The body was discovered by somebody else who was parked next to the mother’s SUV

Union Township police wanted the woman charged with child endangering. The Clermont County prosecutor said the whole situation was an accident. Since she didn’t intend to neglect her kid she did not commit a crime and therefore will not be punished.

The Cincinnati community is split with half wanting the woman jailed, while the other half agrees with the prosecutor.

It never occurred to me that the woman would be charged with a crime. Not because I don’t believe one was committed, but because of the surrounding circumstance.

If the woman had been poor, and lived in the inner city, married or not, working or not, she would have been jailed from day one. She would have been charged immediately convicted by the public, written off as an unfit mother and quickly forgotten. That is not a judgement, it is simply fact.

There is a woman in jail as I write this. A young girl, single, poor, who left her two kids in the closet at home while she went to work. This was a bad, bad decision. This was a dangerous decision. But was it criminal? Was there intent to harm? The children are okay, but as I said the mother is in jail, already labeled and in the court of public opinion, convicted. No one that I can see has jumped to her defense.

The offender in this case was a successful, career woman. She is married, living in the burbs, vice principal of a large suburban school. She is probably an expert multi tasker. She drove a Mercedes SUV, although it must be interjected that the car was purchased second hand after a wreck and her husband did the repairs himself. That has somehow been thrown out as a mitigating circumstance in this tragic affair.

In making his decision not to prosecute, the prosecutor said there was no intent to harm.

There was a young woman busted last week because her children were found walking down the street at daybreak while she slept in the house. She didn’t put them outside. She didn’t intend for them to get into a dangerous, life threatening situation. It just happened, an accident. She too, is jailed. The kids survived their ordeal.

Our suburbanite hasn’t spent one day in jail. She did talk with police and apparently cried during the interview, another apparent mitigating factor tossed out. She has an attorney instead of an overworked public defender.

Why is it that our compassion and justice system are apparently driven by economics and station in life? Why can’t poor people catch a break sometimes, like wealthier suburbanites?

A lot of us have too much on our minds. A lot of us spend too much time collecting stuff...cars, houses, jewelry and yes even children.

The decision to have children is a monumental one. It is not a decision that should simply be left to biology. Kids are life altering. They are the number one priority when you choose to have them, not the doughnuts, or the golf clubs, or the job or the house or the car. If they can’t be your number one priority, then you shouldn’t have them, period. Anyone who thinks otherwise, is deluding themselves.

It’s illegal in the state of California to leave a dog unattended in the car. The same should apply to kids regardless of your economic situation.

Hostage

One of the many reasons that I loved living in Chicago was that a car was truly a luxury rather than a necessity. I could get anywhere I wanted without having to jump into a vehicle, unless it was public transportation. The buses and trains ran 24/7, 365. I could walk out my door, step to the curb and throw my hand up to signal any of the several taxis passing by. Three large grocery stores were within three blocks, and they delivered. I would walk to the store, choose my food, pay for it, and then tell the cashier where I lived. My groceries arrived within the hour with the eggs not broken.

There were breakfast places for brunch, lunch places, dinner places, bars to drink and watch sports, dance clubs, work out clubs, all within walking distance. And I mean walking distance without breaking sweat or getting leg cramps from over exertion. Since I lived on Lakeshore Drive, I had 22 miles of park, including a golf course right across the street. Wrigley Field was four blocks west. I could open my windows and hear the late Harry Carey sing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game,” during the seventh inning stretch. The only reason I drove was to visit my sister who lived in the burbs. When I needed to fly, which was weekly, I took the train to O’HARE.

All of these memories came flooding back with the news that a gallon of gasoline is $3.49 at my neighborhood gas station today. I no longer live in Chicago. I now live in Cincinnati Ohio, and I'm old enough to remember a gasoline price war between stations in Mt Healthy, where a gallon cost 28-cents. Cincinnati is a city where a car is a must have, even at today's prices.

Urban sprawl is a nice term for it. Usually good restaurants, good theaters and marvelous clubs inhabit the heart of the city. Now, the best places to eat are right across the river, in Kentucky or out in the burbs of West Chester. The purple people bridge is pedestrian friendly, for those wanting to cross the river, but you need a car to get to the bridge. Here, going clubbing usually means driving to Columbus or Indianapolis. As for getting your groceries delivered intact, well good luck. I consider myself lucky if there is a bagger at the checkout.

Since I grew up in Cincinnati, I was well aware of its cultural limitations for the over 25 set of young adults, both gay and straight. If I want to shop, eat or go to the park, I drive. Everyone has a car. Many people have two or three in case one breaks down. Boycotting rising gas prices will not happen here because Cincinnati, like many other former industrial cities of the Midwest, is not people or user friendly. The Midwest is held hostage by the whims of OPEC.

If you don’t have a car, you better have a friend who has one. The wait between buses is about an hour. Getting a bus late at night is pretty impossible. Looking for a taxi? Don’t go to the curb. Dig out your cell phone and call, it’ll be there in about 20 minutes. Elevated trains? Forget about it!

I’ve been looking at Vespas lately as a means of going green. There is a dealership right around the corner. I like the little European scooters. I wouldn’t think twice about buying one, if I still lived in Europe. But here in Cincinnati, I hesitate because I figure the first time I try to ride it, I’ll be run over by somebody in a big ass SUV hurrying to a radio sponsored gasoline sale.