There’s a saying among black folks about white folks....”Never get drunk with your white friends.” Because doing that is guaranteed to bring the word “nigger” into the conversation.
In my case, it was “come kiss me with those big nigger lips.” This, from someone I called friend. Someone I thought was color blind. There was no reason to bring out that word. We were celebrating our birthdays, which were one day apart.
Actually, we weren’t even to the point of drunken stupidity, The party had just begun. There was no indication that this racial lightning bolt was about to strike. We were a multi colored party. A little this, a little that, nothing special. Just a diverse group of friends out for the evening.
My friend didn’t even know that she had done anything wrong. No clue. She thought she was making a joke. She felt safe within the group, I guess, and when I look back at the situation, I can understand her comfort level. I was comfortable, too.
I kept my cool, preferring not to react. We partied on. But the friendship changed. Never the same after that night. She exposed a wound and I never trusted her again.
I’ve seen the Michael Richards tape. He lost his cool. He didn’t fight fair when heckled by two audience members. He actually stooped pretty low by resorting to the ugliest of name calling. He’s grown up in America and knows that the best way to hurt a black person is to use the term nigger. But is he a bigot? One thing is certain, the world now perceives him differently. He is no longer trusted.
But is he any more bigoted than the rest of us who lose our cools during a heated moment and resort to name calling?
I fault him for losing his cool. He is, after all, a professional comedian who should be used to dealing with hecklers. Heckling is normal in comedy clubs. The situation should have been business as usual for a man who makes his living telling jokes from a stage.
Am I surprised that he would use the word nigger? No. Not at all.
In America, the word nigger is always just below the surface with all of us. We blacks have tried to claim the word and make it benign. It hasn’t worked. White people hear us using it and wonder why they can’t use it, when we use it to refer to ourselves, friends and families.
Whites don’t understand the nuance between “nigger” and “nigga.” They think it’s just a spelling change, a hip hop word. While blacks are too emotionally tied to the word, past and present, to explain it to them, without wanting to kick their ass when they say it.
The fact of the matter is, nigger has too many negative connotations, bad memories and bad history for anyone, black or white to continue to use this word.
We have nigger, niggard, niggardly, nigra, and my personal favorite, nigger-rig, as in “I nigger-rigged it to make it work.” I grew up knowing that word as gerry-rig. I do know that gerry-rig comes from the name of the man who’s name also gave us the term gerrymander, as in to change something.
I don’t know when gerry-rig became nigger-rig, but I’ve heard it a lot over the years, usually from blue collared white guys who didn’t realize I was within hearing distance.
The word needs to go. I’m not saying go back and erase it from our history or burn books because the word is used. We’d lose many good books and a lot of history, if we did that. What I am saying is that we, as Americans should stop using it for any reason what so ever.
All people, both black, white, Hispanic, whatever, need to stop using the word, period.
Yes, I use the word, in conversation, and in my writings. I was taken to task one time when I was quoted in an interview as using the word. Since I said it, I owned it. My words. My responsibility.
But, being a writer and practitioner of the spoken word, I know the damage that words can do. I know how dangerous language can be. I like being able to use any word I choose in order to get my point across.
But if I don’t start change with me, how can I ask someone else, black or non black to change, too?
As Spock said, “the needs of the many, sometimes out weigh the needs of the one.”
Change, and we all live long and prosper.
‘Nough said.
In my case, it was “come kiss me with those big nigger lips.” This, from someone I called friend. Someone I thought was color blind. There was no reason to bring out that word. We were celebrating our birthdays, which were one day apart.
Actually, we weren’t even to the point of drunken stupidity, The party had just begun. There was no indication that this racial lightning bolt was about to strike. We were a multi colored party. A little this, a little that, nothing special. Just a diverse group of friends out for the evening.
My friend didn’t even know that she had done anything wrong. No clue. She thought she was making a joke. She felt safe within the group, I guess, and when I look back at the situation, I can understand her comfort level. I was comfortable, too.
I kept my cool, preferring not to react. We partied on. But the friendship changed. Never the same after that night. She exposed a wound and I never trusted her again.
I’ve seen the Michael Richards tape. He lost his cool. He didn’t fight fair when heckled by two audience members. He actually stooped pretty low by resorting to the ugliest of name calling. He’s grown up in America and knows that the best way to hurt a black person is to use the term nigger. But is he a bigot? One thing is certain, the world now perceives him differently. He is no longer trusted.
But is he any more bigoted than the rest of us who lose our cools during a heated moment and resort to name calling?
I fault him for losing his cool. He is, after all, a professional comedian who should be used to dealing with hecklers. Heckling is normal in comedy clubs. The situation should have been business as usual for a man who makes his living telling jokes from a stage.
Am I surprised that he would use the word nigger? No. Not at all.
In America, the word nigger is always just below the surface with all of us. We blacks have tried to claim the word and make it benign. It hasn’t worked. White people hear us using it and wonder why they can’t use it, when we use it to refer to ourselves, friends and families.
Whites don’t understand the nuance between “nigger” and “nigga.” They think it’s just a spelling change, a hip hop word. While blacks are too emotionally tied to the word, past and present, to explain it to them, without wanting to kick their ass when they say it.
The fact of the matter is, nigger has too many negative connotations, bad memories and bad history for anyone, black or white to continue to use this word.
We have nigger, niggard, niggardly, nigra, and my personal favorite, nigger-rig, as in “I nigger-rigged it to make it work.” I grew up knowing that word as gerry-rig. I do know that gerry-rig comes from the name of the man who’s name also gave us the term gerrymander, as in to change something.
I don’t know when gerry-rig became nigger-rig, but I’ve heard it a lot over the years, usually from blue collared white guys who didn’t realize I was within hearing distance.
The word needs to go. I’m not saying go back and erase it from our history or burn books because the word is used. We’d lose many good books and a lot of history, if we did that. What I am saying is that we, as Americans should stop using it for any reason what so ever.
All people, both black, white, Hispanic, whatever, need to stop using the word, period.
Yes, I use the word, in conversation, and in my writings. I was taken to task one time when I was quoted in an interview as using the word. Since I said it, I owned it. My words. My responsibility.
But, being a writer and practitioner of the spoken word, I know the damage that words can do. I know how dangerous language can be. I like being able to use any word I choose in order to get my point across.
But if I don’t start change with me, how can I ask someone else, black or non black to change, too?
As Spock said, “the needs of the many, sometimes out weigh the needs of the one.”
Change, and we all live long and prosper.
‘Nough said.
