Making Love in the Dark

A long time ago, in a decade far away, at the beginning of women’s liberation, burning your bra freed up more than just your breasts. Those of us who were serious also ditched our underpants, and girdles. We liberated our bodies in keeping with our new mind set. We only wore that stuff because we were told to, not because it felt good and we wanted to. Taking if off was pure freedom.

I’ve always felt that a man invented the bra anyway. I haven’t done the research to find out, but I can’t imagine a woman coming up with that kind of torture apparatus. Three decades later I still feel the same way.

Parliament Funkadelic said it best, “free your mind and your ass will follow.” I did, and haven’t looked back, since.

I tossed it all out. I didn’t need it anyway, because I was an exercise freak. I was already well toned and proud of my body. Women’ s lib simply meant now I could show it off. I could go to nude beaches. I could vacuum my house in my birthday suit, if I wanted.

I didn’t have to turn off the lights, if I was with somebody who was making me feel like I wanted to get my groove on.

When you had to get out of a girdle, you did it in the bathroom, out of sight of your partner. Trust me, wiggling in and out of a girdle, is a big mood killer,

My body was rock hard from doing tae kwan do, and running eight miles a day, six days a week. Toss in three days of lifting weights at a real gym and you know I was fierce.

But that was a long time ago. Gravity has taken over and I no longer take it as seriously as I did then. Aging gracefully and comfortably is what matters most these days.

Women, young women, now grow up exercising and worrying about the shape of their deltoids and gluts. 21st century women are very diet conscious and food knowledgeable.

So why are they going back to wearing girdles? What have they got to hold in? What are they trying to hide? Or is it just another step in attempted youthful body perfection?

All the advertisements for this new girdle show actresses who don’t eat or wear anything bigger than a size 2. Why would they put on a girdle?

These new girdles are called Spanx. They look like spandex shorts or panties. The point is they hold it in. They are supposed to be 18 hour comfortable. You know that’s a lie. Nothing that is restraining your body is comfortable for 18 hours. Nothing!

Now in all fairness, I know some of my sisters need the extra support. Okay. Maybe you never gave up your girdle or your bra or panties. Otherwise who’s shopping Victoria’s Secret besides small transvestites and guilty husbands.

But with the return of the girdle comes the return of problems, such as do you let your partner see you wiggle out of that thing? Especially after your partner got with you thinking you were three sizes smaller when you met.

Do you allow yourself, your real self, to be seen in the light? Or do you make your partner wait for you in the dark? And what happens when the lights come back on?

Most important, can you walk past a mirror and face yourself.? Or are you only happy wearing your 18 hour chastity belt.

Because chastity belt is what it will become, because you can’t just rip that sucker off for a quickie in the elevator.

C’mon now, men don’t restrain their love handles, why should we?