Do Buddhists Go to Heaven?

Can Buddhists Rapture Up...Inquiring minds want to know? Or must we wait outside the pearlie gates until it's time for us to emigrate back to earth, or whatever the planet-plane-existence will be called when we get back.

I'm only asking because tomorrow, Friday October 21st, is supposed to be REAL Rapture combined with the REAL end of the world as we know it (can never think of EOTW unless I sing that damn song, then it rumbles through my brain for days and days and days afterward).

Reverend Harold Camping, the man with the plan, says Rapture Day back in May was a practice run for the REAL thing, which is happening tomorrow. Tomorrow we get two birds for one stone...snatched up to heaven in plenty of time to watch the sinners die on earth, along with the earth of course.

Which leads me to another question-if the world ends tomorrow, will there be anything for us Buddhists to come back to, assuming we have not finished our spiritual work and therefore need to come back in the first place? Just Askin'.

Decisions, decisions...

Rev says he is going to wait it out at home, which is understandable since back in June he suffered a stroke after he didn't get pulled up to heaven by Jesus in May (of course that very short evangelical hair style that he wears, may have had something to do with it). Maybe he should have grown dreds like a Rastafarian so Jesus could have gotten a better grip (that's why they grow em, ya know).

The fact that he's still here with the rest of us nearly took him out of here. But he says, he is recovering slowly and it will take a long time to get better...but why should he care, if his prediction is finally correct...he will be trading in his old worn out body for a new one, complete with snazzy new pair of wings, right?

Old Harold is hedging his bets this time, since Jesus surprised him in May by not pulling him up, Camping says salvation and destruction will “probably” happen like he predicts.

Probably!? Oh man, c'mon! You really talking to god? Who is that voice inside your head, for real?

Anyway, I'm packin' my fave duffel bag, laptop and camera just in case...I've been growing my hair lately, so no “grip” issues for the SOG... and if I am raptured I will have my pick of spots in the pearlie gates waiting room by being first in line...otherwise...I'll just go visit my sister in South Carolina... shucks...guess I better pack my golf clubs, too.

Just in case...

The Poxy-clipse, Harold Camping and the Canonization of Oprah

Good thing I didn't cancel my gas and electric and HBO subscription, because now Harold Camping, the self proclaimed doomsday prophet says The Rapture isn't going to happen until October 21st, some five months from now.  Of course he came to this conclusion when it didn't happen as he predicted on May 21st, which was this past Saturday.

Camping didn't offer any new mathematical equations to back up his newest suppositions either.  Just stuck with the old erroneous ones. Personally, I'm thinking maybe Dude should take a remedial math course since his calculations have twice been shown  to be sadly lacking. He admitted his mistake back in 1994 when zombies didn't bust out of their graves and start walking again, but hasn't expressed anything other than bewilderment about his more recent algebraic attempts.

Maybe he should just admit what most of us know about ourselves...we hate math...we were lousy at it...and most of us haven't figured out why we need to learn algebra in the first place...let alone use it to figure out when Jesus is coming back.

All he has to do is turn on his microphone at the beginning of his next radio program and say, "Hello, I'm Harold and I suck at math!"  I'm sure his sheeple will forgive him again and start preparing for October.

Of course, Camping's attempt to tap into the machinations of the cosmic universe may have been obscured by his fixation on King James. Maybe what Camping really saw in his egotistical attempts to second guess god was the ending of the Oprah Winfrey Show instead.

 Maybe what old Harold saw when he looked into his crystal ball was not a David Bowie thin white guy with long flowing brown locks and blue eyes, wearing a pale Boy George frock snatching people up to heaven, but a well endowed, medium tall brown woman with flawless makeup, all her own hair, no extensions necessary, clad in designer togs from head to toe.

  Maybe he simply saw Oprah.

 Talk about fireworks and revelatory realignments, in between the finales of Dancing with the Stars, Glee and American Idol, the universe has literally come to a stand still as Miz O makes her transition from mega talk show host to network magnate. Maybe that's what he prognosticated.

You want to see Jesus in action...look at Oprah...she was primed from birth...look at the name of her network....OWN...the Oprah Winfrey Network....didn't even have to change her name to get to it...she had it from birth....everybody say "Amen!"

Now I've lived through other transitions in the past....Kookla Fran and Ollie... Howdy Doody....Bill Cosby...Hill Street Blues...Gunsmoke...Dark Shadows, but I have to tell you Oprah's transition makes me feel like I'm watching the making of a new saint, or even the death of one.

It feels like she is being measured for a constellation spelling out Harpo Productions to be hung up next to the Milky Way in the near future, for all to seek comfort from before going to bed at night.

She ain't going nowhere. She's changing hats within the same industry...getting more powerful and making more money. She will still be heard from. She will still be doing great things. It's a great opportunity for a party...but damn! You'd think the chile was dying from one of those incurable diseases that Dr. Oz likes to talk about when he's on.

So get over it...the world didn't end on Saturday....and it's not gonna end today either when Oprah says goodbye.

Her, leaving talk show heaven, is simply a signal that the rest of us should turn off the TV, go outside, smell the fresh air, and then go find our own lives because the daily peeks into hers are now over.

 Come to think of it, that will be an apocalypse for some people.

Forget the Mayan Calendar-The World Ends This Year

Okay, the picture is becoming clearer. The end of the world is not gonna happen on May 21st. It's gonna happen on October 21, 2011, later this year. So that gives you five more months to get yourself ready.

What is gonna happen on May 21st is The Rapture according to those in the know. The Rapture aka Judgment Day is when god reaches down and snatches the chosen folk up by their hair and takes them into heaven or into the clouds and out of harm's way in order to keep them from getting swallowed up when the world ends. Based on current hair trends, I would say Rastfarians have the edge, here.

So, if you think you're one of the chosen ones, then you might want to consider forgoing that Christian-Mormon-evangelical buzz cut and grow dreds, so god can get a good grip on your head when he starts snatching folks up to heaven.

It is also safe to say that if you don't get snatched up on May 21st, then you're not one of the chosen ones and are probably going to hell with the rest of us.

These dates have been carved in stone by one Harold Camping, an evangelical radio broadcaster, who claims he has figured out the celestial biblical calendar that governs all our lives and is spelled out in the Book of Genesis in the bible. Back in 1994 Camping said Jesus would come back and the rapture would happen, and the world would end, but he didn't and it didn't. Camping said at the time, on May 22nd, I would guess, that he made a mistake in his mathematical end of the world calculations.

He remains undeterred in his predictions, however. This time around he's put up billboards and has many of his followers driving RV's around the country proclaiming coming events.

What makes Camping think that judgment day is upon us this time around? Well, according to his biblical math, the year 2011 is exactly 7000 years after god flooded the world saving only Noah, his wife and three sons and their families as well as two animals from every species on earth. 2011 marks the end of the time that god has apparently given to man to get himself right with the lord, so to speak.

May 21st also corresponds, according to Camping to the day that god shut the door on Noah's ark, forcing everybody on the outside of the big boat to swim or tread water for 40 days and 40 nights. What is taking place on May 21st is a  symbolical door shutting on those who have not been chosen to ascend during The Rapture.

So, what's gonna happen between May 22nd and October 21st for those of us not chosen? Well, it ain't gonna be pretty. Those five months are going to be pure hell, so to speak. You can read about it in Revelation in more detail. But expect locusts with the power of scorpions to hunt down and kill the billions of people without god's seal of approval on their heads, which is everybody left over following The Rapture, according to Camping.

The dead are going to rise up (think Sean of the Dead), earthquakes will happen all over the world (think Japan), and those who died before May 21st and were saved will be resurrected and taken up with the raptured ones (think Easter Sunday). Those who died without being saved will stay dead and scattered all over.

Then, according to Camping's reading of the biblical calendar the final act on earth will be the great feast (Tabernacles) and when the feast is over, there will be a great fire that consumes the earth. The end.

Camping says our collective goose is cooked unless we get right in the next couple of weeks. However there is a slim possibility that you can save yourself like the good people of Nineveh saved by Jonah. God told the city he was going to destroy it, so the king and all his people shucked off their good clothes and started dressing in sack cloth and poured ashes on the floor from their fires and sat on the ashes and fasted and god had a change of heart and didn't destroy the city, that time.

Camping also says god never destroys the world until after he warns the people, so consider yourself warned.
Judgment Day is May 21, 2011

The world ends on October 21, 2011

Forget the Mayan Calendar...the world will be gone by the time the Mayan Calendar ends on December 21, 2012.